In my previous post, I looked at the beauty of the “suitable helper” according to God’s design. What I would also like us to consider from this perspective of women being designed as equal and adequate to men, is the idea of why it’s good to let the man lead and initiate in a relationship. There is so much to say on the idea of wives submitting to husbands. It’s perhaps one of the most misunderstood and controversial conversations to have in the relationship space if we don’t understand it from a godly perspective. You will certainly see more on this topic from me in later posts – I’m actually hugely passionate about it – but for now, let’s start the discussion by looking at the order of creation.

God created men and women in that order. Men, then women. Both are equally important in their uniqueness, purpose, and function. In Genesis 2, God knew that there wasn’t a helper suitable for the man yet, but he still had Adam name the animals before he created Eve (Gen 2:18-22). The man was created to do this physical work, the task God set before him. After it was complete, God created the woman for him.

Now, we also know, from Genesis 1:28 that it wasn’t only the man who was called to do the work in God’s creation. He tasked both of them to fill the earth and subdue it (sidenote: subdue means “to conquer; to bring under control; to bring (land) under cultivation; to reduce the intensity, tone down.” Think about the beauty of that in its purest form when sin and death was not a part of the picture! Such a sweet image of care, love, and devotion to God’s creation.).

Well, the filling of the earth is the woman’s job, since we’re the ones with wombs. How beautiful that God honored the woman by listing her primary task first! The subduing of the earth – the physical labor – would then naturally fall primarily to the man in the distribution of tasks. The harmony comes from the sharing in these tasks together, though. Man is essential to filling the earth (can’t be done without him!!) and the woman would also partake in the cultivation as his equal and adequate helper.

How does this relate to men being initiators in relationship? Consider any job, organization, club, or group you can think of. The one thing that any successful gathering has is leadership. Companies and groups fail and dissolve when there are either too many people trying to lead, or when no one does. A hierarchical system keeps order, but good leaders will surround themselves with equally strong, capable people who support their vision so the group or organization succeeds.

We even witness this idea of leadership exemplified within the Trinity when Jesus teaches his disciples. Jesus only did what the Father did (John 5:17-19, which also discusses Jesus’ equality with God) and submitted to the Father’s will (Matthew 26:39, Mark 14:36, Luke 22:42), and at his request, the Father sent the Holy Spirit who would say to us whatever Jesus said (John 14:26).

Relationships will follow the same pattern of success or failure based on the leadership within them. If both people try to lead, there will be animosity and chaos. If neither person leads, there will be only confusion and stagnancy. One must lead, and one must submit to the leadership. It doesn’t make one better than the other. It simply allows for growth and peace. The man was created first. The woman was created for him.

Men should initiate because it maintains God’s order. It is not patriarchy or suppression of women, but rather a prevention of chaos, confusion, and disorder. It isn’t subjugation of women to wait for a man to initiate a relationship and then let him lead within one. It’s the strength of submission to God’s original design. It doesn’t mean that women can or should be passive in the process. Quite the opposite, actually. As equal and adequate helpers, we ought to be helping men function in their role by offering encouragement to act according to the order of creation. Give him the smile, say yes to the date, include him in group events, treat him with respect and honor. Waiting is anything but helpless, just as our role as women is the opposite of helpless.

How does this perspective of letting men initiate make you feel? What thoughts does this view of a woman’s role stir? Leave a comment below and let’s discuss!