Society and culture today have created so many unrealistic expectations of what a woman should look like, act like, and sound like. To make it worse, these expectations change depending on the sphere you find yourself in, so how can we determine what is right?

Hollywood and the media tells you that you should be skinny, start Botox when you’re in your twenties so you never show signs of aging, and wear expensive designer brands that you have to replace every season to stay on trend.

The business world will tell you that you have to be aggressively assertive to get what you want and climb the corporate ladder as you compete with your privileged male counterparts.

God forbid you want to be a stay-at-home mom. Don’t you know that is an antiquated and chauvinistic tactic to keep women suppressed? (Please forgive my sarcasm here. Actually, I personally believe that the highest calling a woman can step into is raising Kingdom-minded, Christlike children, but that is its own post!)

The book of 1 Peter gives us a different picture of what a godly woman looks like. Peter is writing this letter to the Gentile churches of Asia Minor (what we know as Turkey today) who are being persecuted for their faith. It is about hope in the midst of suffering and showing the generous love of Jesus by living counterculturally. In chapter 3, Peter speaks to the women and encourages them to let their husbands see Jesus through the way they are living. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says:

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles or the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

Much like today, a woman’s appearance was a status symbol in the ancient world. How fancy your hairdo was and how much jewelry you wore announced your position in society. But Peter is exhorting women to display our beauty in a way that will endure, even if or when those outward things are removed or lost. And beauty that will not fade – some translations call it the “imperishable quality” – is to live with a gentle and quiet spirit. But what does that mean?

Well, first, it means beauty that is not superficial. The “inner self” Peter speaks of refers to the soul. Your soul is your mind, will, and emotions. It is that essential part of you that makes you uniquely you.

Now, I’m a word nerd, and I absolutely love digging into the meanings of words in Scripture. And these words here, “gentle” and “quiet,” are so rich in the original language. Gentle in this passage means “mildness of disposition, gentleness of spirit, meekness.” The thing that is so striking, however, is the additional note about it, which you can find in Blue Letter Bible’s definition of the word:

Meekness toward God is that disposition of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting…Gentleness or meekness is the opposite to self-assertiveness and self-interest. It stems from trust in God’s goodness and control over the situation. The gentle person is not occupied with self at all. This is a work of the Holy Spirit, not of the human will.

Then we have the word quiet. The original meaning of this word literally means “sedentary,” so, “by implication, still (undisturbed, undisturbing): peaceable, quiet.” And finally, it is worth noting the word spirit in this context, which is the Greek word pneuma. Often it is used to indicate the “life breath” of a person, their essence and being. In this verse, it is “the disposition or influence which fills and governs the soul of anyone; the efficient source of power, affection, emotion, desire, etc.”

So, how are we to actually understand a gentle and quiet spirit?  Gentleness here is about trust. It is a soul who trusts God fully, who takes him at his word, and is willing to submit to his good desires. Quietness is about the ability to be still before God. And when those attributes are combined, we become radiant to the people around us because it will cause us to think, act, and look more like Jesus.

When we become women who trust God to do what he says and can be still before him to let him actually do it, we will become beautiful in a way that will never fade or perish. Does this sound like the person you want to become? What excites you or challenges you as you consider living with a gentle and quiet spirit? Leave a comment below and let’s discuss!